Father Time Wants Your Ass Off The Trail….Now!


Ever get that comforting feeling deep into your ride? You know the one…

Your flowing through smooth paths, taking in the air, enjoying the sunshine that slips through the trees. You are in flux. And you’re happy and content. Life is good. Out here huffing and puffing and getting dialled in the good bush, on the good earth. Stoke is high. That bike is feeling like an extension of your own body. Confidence grows. Sure, your working life may be a depressing and monotonous hell. You might wonder if you are living a  crude existence until relief in the afterlife or if, in some twisted joke by the maker, this is your hell already. But right now, you’re in the trails. And it is good! No rules out here. No deadlines. No performance evaluations. No clients. No customers. Just you, kilometres of single track, and an odd two-wheeled contraption between your legs. Proceed, good sir. Proceed.

…But proceed with caution! [Cue evil laugh] Hahahahahaha! Only fools would believe the preceding words. Indeed, it was a test. And you probably failed. The trails are not a natural mecca to be navigated through and enjoyed. They are not a place of refuge from your working life. They are your working life! This is the cruelest of all life’s jokes. “That comforting feeling deep into your ride” does not exist. Even in the trails, there is no time for pleasures or joy. Deviants will be prosecuted and discriminated against.

Yes. The trails are for time trial missions only. Smiles and pleasure merely add precious seconds to your time. So please refrain. Plebeians caught interfering with the smooth flow of the time trial masters will be shown no mercy. Father time wants your ass off the trail…now!

“Tick, tock. Tick, tock. That is the sound of your life on the clock.”

Reinhold

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