Powerbars and Spandex – Camaraderie be damned


Now I know that I don’t need to ask if this has happened to you because if you’ve been to the Waterloo Hydrocut at any frequency you will have undoubtably been given the stare down upon entering the parking lot off Glasgow / Ira Needles. This “stare down” or “gaze” as I prefer to call it really only comes from one type of rider, a type of rider that unfortunately makes up a decent chunk of the populus frequenting the trails:  the weight weenie in the Lycra/spandex outfit and the all carbon uberbike. I wont rip on the “way too much bike” you guys bring out the trails because I’m probably just jealous of your 10K masterpiece and wouldn’t turn one down if it came my way. HOWEVER, I will rip on your ridiculous lycra outfit and asshole, elitist attitude towards your fellow riders…please, read on.

First of all I should say that when I hit the trails, I do it comfortably. I wear Fox downhill shorts with a padded liner for my sits bones and loose-fitting t-shirts. I’m a recreational rider but I’m competitive by nature meaning I try to ride at least twice a week and I try to rip through the trails as fast as I possibly can. I’m in competition with myself if you will. My rides are intense, I rarely get passed by anybody beyond the guys I’m with, and I ride with a mutual respect for the trails and my fellow riders. My buddies and I will stop for breaks here and there. We always move our bikes off the trails and never stop where we cannot be seen by oncomers.

I mentioned earlier that the judgment happens as soon as one rolls into the parking lot of the Hydrocut. There is almost always, 99% of the time, a group(s) of spandex warriors huddled around somebody’s Subaru Outback sharing a powerbar & shooting the shit about how awesome their ride was or is going to be. As I roll into the parking lot I almost feel like apologizing as the group will inevitably turn, not to say, “Hey fellow rider! have a good one, Frankenstein is particularly fast today, Cheers!” or provide me with a friendly “nod” of the head confirming our mutual interest in the sport. Instead I get something that used to be unexpected, a stare down. A quick and dirty eye raping of my look and my equipment. Kind of like a big ol’ “fuck you for not wearing the same nut-hugging neon circus outfit as me” and the classic, “are those (snicker) rock shocks? pfffffff.”

Honestly guys? It’s 5:30 on a friggin Tuesday, not a race day, or a special event, a normal run of the mill Tuesday and here you are in your race ready outfit, hoping to shave off precious milliseconds as you use the PUBLIC trails as your own personal race course. All for what? So you can ascend to the top of Igor’s time trial rankings? Dont forget to include that the time you just posted there needs to include your “~30 second derailleur adjustment” what a bunch of tight asses.  These are the same guys that don’t say a word when you say hello, the same ones who don’t return the friendly nods, and the same guys who feel that they rule on high in the Waterloo Hydrocuts. Ever stop for a break in there and have , multiple people ask if everything is alright as they pass by? I have, it’s great! People helping people, making sure that we’re all having a good time out there… Don’t get your hopes up if you blow a tire and a group of “racers” are coming your way, you wouldn’t want to screw up their time would you? Jackoffs.

What I’m trying to say here is relax. Guys, It’s not okay but if you must wear spandex…in the forest…to improve…aerodynamics?…do it on race day. they have time trial days designated for you. Take advantage of those and leave your bullshit attitude at home when you ride during the week. Nobody wants to see your tiny balls screaming for air through that lycra body suit so cover up with some performance wear. You’ll be more comfortable, meet more people, and your wives and girlfriends will still look at you like men… unless of course you don’t give a shit about any of those things. In which case you should keep wearing your spandex, keep being an asshole to other riders and I will continue to rip on you and your douche bag friends. Sounds like a win win to me.

Theodore

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3 thoughts on “Powerbars and Spandex – Camaraderie be damned

  1. Good god! There should be a prohibition on the resolution and size this photograph can be reproduced in. Why? Comment is unnecessary. But this blog assures you that the photograph is posted for educational purposes only.

  2. Great article. I completely agree on the attitude adjustment needed with these riders. The Hydrocuts are community shared trails and there is no reason for these guys to act this way if other riders continue to show biking etiquette on the trails. Dissing the “spandex” and desire to improve/train is ridiculous though. Don’t discredit these riders because they train hard and take biking seriously. For some people biking is more than a hobby.

    • John, Thank you for your support! We’re starting to build a decent reader base and Both Reinhold and I appreciate the feedback. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for a fully committed approach to the sport. In fact that is how I tend to participate myself, all or nothing. I rip on these guys mainly because of their terrible attitude, the spandex jabs are really just an aside to the underlying problem. I think we all share a passion for the sport no matter the level of commitment and all I’m looking for is a little mutual respect from these “serious” riders. I do my part as stated in my article and I’m hoping that a few of these guys will read this blog and start to extend the same etiquette back to us.

      Thank you again for reading John,
      Cheers

      Theo

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